Ode to Tragedy

It's time to put pen to paper, paint to canvas. The wind is blowing me west, and there's a storm on the horizon. This attraction to disposition can't last, cause I smoked that cigarette way too fast. To feel light. To feel right. Swirling around inside my head. Stop spinning, reaching for something too far to reach. From here to there. So far. So close. So incredibly out of control. Why? The answer is right in front of me. A shadow casting roles for rolling myself back into a ball of confusion. The reflection is true. An image of despair. Despising the past, afraid of the now. How? How can I be there if I'm not even here? Three words. But not the three I need. Or are they? The lack of something not yet in it's place. Carry me back to where I was before. Before the storm that left me stranded on an island of regret. Three years ago this May. Set the clock straight. It's crooked, hanging on the wall. About to fall, about to crack, about to call this what it is. My tragedy is not yours. And your tragedy is not mine. At least for now. In time I hope to see the wind change it's direction. Drawing the air out from my lungs, breathing new life into this lonely heart. One beat at a time. One step in the right direction. Two. That's what it takes. Two steps in perfect time with each other. Guiding each other. Away from this hell. Away from the spell that puts me down. Deep underground. Disappearing. Infinite. With no turning back. Only a search for a way out. A way back into the heart of the boy I once was and will be again, but with the grace to make it new. Take it slow. Watch, listen, accept.

Like the Song Says

It's proof that some things in life can come true. The words that one hums throughout the day. Those little flashes of pain and romance, adventure and loss. Emotionally pounding. Refusing to sound the same. Always new. Always clear. Always real. Like the song says. It's all you need. All you see and hear and feel. So repeat the words. Repeat the rhythm. Move your feet and move on to a better place. Reach out for a lonely face, the saddest eyes that wait for tears to be wiped away. It may be cold, but soon enough the summer sun will shadow tragedy. Tracing stories of you and me. It won't be long. I'm on my way. What once was still is. Just like the songs says.

Closer is the key.

The lack of sight and sound send me spinning off into the distance. So out of touch. So out of reach.

Closer is the key.

But there is no the door. No handle. No lock to hold me back. So I proceed.

Closer is the key.

I'm terrorizing. Agonizing. For what? For how long? I don't miss misery, but miss the warmth of something real. Something new and always true. Honest and kind. Vulnerable to the point of death to self so life can live as two.

Closer is the key.

All I have is this feeling. Never why or how or when to move, when to leap. The elevation is astounding, and I'm afraid of heights. Afraid of living out my dreams.

Closer is the key.

Despite the fear, inspired ears are deaf. Deaf to all that fails. The trust I lost in myself. My heart. My mind. I miss you more than anything right now.

Closer is the key.

Leave and Be Left Behind

If all else fails, turn. If all else fails, run. If all else fails, hide. If what you seek becomes what you'll never find, leave and be left behind. For lack of pride and better words, bitter tongues taste truthful hearts. So spit back out the trust. The rust is in my eye. These righteous wrongs are wrongful thefts, stealing hearts to find some rest. I pray for peace beneath my chest. The empty room I fill with test after test after test. Full of pain. Confusing decay. Would I, could I, will I ever stay.

Memoirs of a Zombie

Sometimes I feel like a zombie.
Rising from the grave.
The yard.
Walking with a limp.
Unaware of my disposition.
My distraction.
Dead, but somehow still alive.
Pale as all hell.
Rings around my eyes.
Staggering.
I want to be loved.
Searching for a way to be normal again.
But what does normal even mean?
What song does normal sing?
I'm still here.
Despite the color of my hair.
I crawl for days.
Sleep for years.
Hope to hear the call.
The telephone ring.
The words.
The love they bring.
I'm a mess.
Staking my claim for a better life.
A better way.
With you.
As for now I'll step back.
Back into my grave.

A Midnight Confession

Off the hinge onto the floor.
The shallow water floats my door.
Drifting out into the sea.
This house becomes a harmony.
The simple sound of tiny towns.
That string together ups and downs.
Motioning for mourning less.
And midnight more till we confess.

More Than Anything

Whether it be a subway station or the country music hall of fame...

Fate Doesn't Cast a Shadow

These shadows are tall. Stretching out across my mind. The sun is low, a sunset. But why not a sunrise? If I turn around to face the light, will tonight become the passing day? Set to reverse and then to replay. My heart jerks the chord out from the wall, and still, it shines. It lives and breathes and burns with love. Far from gone, but too close to call. So I shout. I yell. And give the finger to fate. I won't except an excuse for giving up. Cause I'm still here, and I'm still smiling. These tears will never sink my dreams.